A Great Question to Build Homeschool Relationships

Homeschooling is as much about relationships as anything else. Having a positive, productive relationship with our young warriors keep a lot of frustration and stress at bay.

Too many families call or email me about the conflicts and emotional struggles they experience when attempting to get their young warriors to write more, answer more math questions, and get more interested in their lessons. 

I was not without those same challenges at Kamali Academy. But, over the years, I have come across a question that can heal some of those wounds and stop others from forming.  It calls for giving up a little control over the education of our children and putting more of the powerful into their hands. I even use this question in my sessions with homeschool coaching clients. In those sessions, I refuse to offer blanket solutions when I don’t know the context or issues parents face.

Here is the question: “How can I help?”

The next time your young warrior shows frustration or indifference, ask the question. By asking, “how can I help?” You allow them to take ownership of the situation. You allow them to think and identify what is happening with them. Often, you allow them to confront their own problems and deal with them accordingly. Sometimes, they won’t even need your help. 

At other times, the issue could be that you, as the parent, are moving too fast, too slow, not supportive enough, too supportive to the point of cuddling, don’t take into consideration their interests, provide too much structure or not enough. 

The issue could be that they have a lot on their mind, are sleepy, bored, hungry, or just need a mental break. Yet, you will not know unless you ask and truly listen. 

Another great way to use this question is to preemptively ask your young warrior what their goals are academically, socially, economically, or physically and then ask them, “how can I help?”

Now, this can really help build a relationship because you are humble enough to ask for direction instead of simply offering ideas and direction, but it also demonstrates that you see them as the experts of their own lives while you are still there for them every step of the way. 

Here is an example:

Mom: What are your goals?

Young Warrior: I really want to be a chef.

Mom: How can I help?

Young Warrior: Can you buy me a cookbook?

Mom: Sure. Anything else?

Young Warrior: I would love to get some experience in a restaurant.

Mom: Let me make some calls. I have a friend who owns a restaurant. Maybe you can volunteer there a couple of days each week. 

Young Warrior: Asante sana, mom. 

Compare that with this:

Mom: Today, we are doing Calculus, World History, and British Literature. Are you ready?

Young Warrior: I guess.

Mom: What’s the attitude about?

Young Warrior: Nothing. I’ll get started.

Mom: You act like you’d rather be doing something else. But you know you need this for college. What would you rather be doing?

Young Warrior: It’s cool. 

Mom: Go on.

Young Warrior: Well, I wanted to try to make that Senegalese dish I saw on the cooking channel the other day. 

Mom: Well, that can wait. Let’s get these books first. 

Young Warrior: Ok.

Ask the question. Listen. Help them where you can. 

This question builds relationships because the young warrior feels respected, heard, and seen. 

They probably don’t even need your help. Maybe they just want to know that you will hear them out and support them. 

Baba Dr. Brotha Samori Camara